18 Oral Sex Tips You Haven't Tried, According to Experts
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Ever heard that saying that giving itself is a gift? Well, what is oral sex if not that? There's nothing hotter than watching your partner orgasm during sex and knowing you did that.
But of all the oral sex tips we could share, this one's the most important: Cunnilingus and fellatio can be just as fun for the giver as they are for the receiver, especially if you experiment with brand-new moves that both of you love. Just wanting to know how to give a blowjob or eat someone out well is the first step in being a good partner.
So here are some oral sex techniques and oral sex positions that’ll take the experience up a notch for your partner and make it more exciting for you as well. (Pro tip if you're just getting warmed up: reach for one of our picks for the best vibrators).
vasiliki1/18Play with the backdoor
The best oral sex tips and blowjob tips aren't all about the genitals. The area around the anus is filled with plenty of tiny nerve endings that produce wonderful sensations when stimulated with the hands or tongue, says Laura Berman, Ph.D., sex and relationship therapist.
Just make sure you discuss analingus, or rimming, with your partner first so there are no surprises, especially if it's their first time engaging in anal play. Showering together as foreplay might help you both feel clean and comfortable.
GeorgePeters2/18Make some noise
Making noise during oral sex isn’t just about the sound effect—noises like humming, moans, and groans “create a stimulating vibration,” says Jonathan Alpert, a psychotherapist and relationship expert. They also convey enthusiasm, which will make the experience more fun for both of you.
“Be sure to communicate your pleasure so your partner gets the sense that you're enjoying this as much as they are,” echoes Josefina Bashout, a tantric sex coach, spiritual psychologist, and host of the Unabashed podcast.
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Tease them with kisses
To build anticipation, plant little kisses on your partner’s inner thighs and pubic mound as a warm up, suggests Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., Astroglide’s resident sexologist.
“Simply hover over them and allow gentle kisses to emanate from your lips as you awaken their nerve endings and draw awareness and circulation to the area,” she says. “You can also use breath kisses over the entire body to build arousal and encourage full body orgasms.”
GeorgePeters4/18Get handsy
Your hands and mouth combined will provide even more pleasure than your mouth alone. If your partner has a vulva, O’Reilly recommends sliding your hands over the clitoris or inner lips. “Run your tongue up and down in the middle (between the inner lips) in the opposite direction,” she says. “Pay extra attention to the fourchette (the notch at the bottom where the lips meet) and the clitoral head with the tip of your tongue.”
If your partner has a penis, use your hands to grip the base of the shaft while teasing the tip with your tongue for an extra good blow job/hand job technique.
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Have your partner touch you
Oral sex shouldn’t be all about what your partner likes. Sex writer Emily Morse suggests encouraging your partner to touch your breasts, nipples, and clitoris while you’re pleasuring them. Turning you on will turn them on, too. Convinced? Try one of these clit vibrators. You—and your partner—won't be disappointed.
Getty Images6/18Massage the prostate
For male partners, the prostate—located just in front of the rectum, it’s a gland about the size and shape of a walnut—is often an under-explored source of pleasure.
"Discover and stimulate his prostate, a highly orgasmic area, while you lick, kiss, and tease the shaft," suggests Berman. "Once you find it, massage it gently, then gradually up the intensity of your strokes and pressure," she says.
Olga Strelnikova7/18Get nosey
Many people like the feeling of grinding against something, and your nose can come in handy for that, says O’Reilly. “Press it in and out, side to side, up and down, and all around,” she suggests. “The tips of your nose has a cool texture (feel it now!), so take advantage of its angles and contours as your partner rides your face.”
Carol Yepes8/18Use your entire body
Even your hair will feel good against your partner’s belly or pubic bone, says Alpert. Try massaging their thighs with your hands and rubbing your body on them. You can even run your fingernails down their back. You don’t have to emulate the “fast, furious, and hard” cunnilingus or blowjob technique you’ve seen in porn, Alpert adds. Go slow and tease your partner before getting your mouth involved.
Jena Ardell9/18Ask for feedback
Everyone's different, so the easiest way to find out what gets your partner going is to ask them. "It can be really hot to say, 'Do you like that?' as you're giving them pleasure," says Ashera DeRosa, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in sex therapy. "This gives them the opportunity to say 'more of this' or 'less of that.' If your partner isn't loving a technique, be open to that feedback. It doesn't mean you're 'bad' at oral sex, but is instead an opportunity to try something different."
Vizerskaya10/18Express your enjoyment
Oral sex is better for everyone when both people make it clear how much they're enjoying themselves. "Love what you are doing, and it will be good for your partner," says Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey, a clinical psychologist and sex and intimacy coach. You can express yourself through moans and groans, like we suggested earlier, or do so verbally by letting them know "I love going down on you" or "You taste so good." You can ask your partner beforehand if they’re into dirty talk and which words and phrases most excite them.
Natalia-flurno11/18Slow down
Showing your excitement also means slowing down and taking your time. "Don’t be in a rush to move on to something else," says Bisbey. Instead, make it clear to your partner that you'll stay down there for as long as they need. You could even tell them, "I could do this all day."
kelly bowden12/18Plan ahead
To create the best possible experience for both of you, it helps to discuss in advance what each of you would like to make sure you both have everything you need to come, says David Helfand, a licensed psychologist who specializes in couples therapy.
"Paint a picture together," he suggests. "Imagine you are co-writing a steamy summer beach read. What do you want them to do to you? What did you really like the last time you had sex? You can discuss right after or anytime in between." You might also try watching porn together for inspiration or discussing which sex toys for couples or flavored lube you'd like to play with.
piratedub13/18Touch yourself
Even if your focus is on pleasing your partner, they may get even more turned on by watching you pleasure yourself. Touch your clitoris, the scrotal sack around the testicles, or any erogenous zones you like, and bring in a toy like a vibrator, butt plugs, or dildo.
"Think of your own pleasure first while you’re going down on your lover," says O'Reilly. "Touch yourself, rub on their body, wear a vibrating toy, fantasize, or play a role that excites you. Just because you’re the one performing oral doesn’t mean you can’t get your own pleasure at the same time."
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Make eye contact
Eye contact is something Anna Richards, a sex educator and the founder of the ethical porn site Frolicme.com, likes to focus on in her erotic films to “heighten the excitement and connection.” Not only does seductive eye contact add greater intimacy and connection to the experience (and mind-blowing for the receiver), she says, but it can be also be an important way to communicate.
“Making eye contact with your lover while being intimate during oral sex can be a very big turn on while also helping you both to stay in the moment,” she says. “A shared look can be reassuring, and you can gauge how they're reacting to your skills. Assessing your partner’s facial cues and body language is also essential if they are less vocal about their needs and wants. A quick look up might reveal that they're a little uncomfortable, so you can switch things up and see them relax.”
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Do it for you
Oral sex is so much better for everyone involved if you are clearly into it. “Showing up with an open and excited heart to get on your knees with a smile on your face and passion in your body is an active choice,” Bashout says. “It’s a mind-blowing experience for the both of you when you find your sexual flow state.”
To make sure this happens, Bashout recommends getting clear beforehand on why you want to do it. “Tune in before and ask yourself, ‘Why would I want to be going down on them?’” she suggests. “Pleasure usually isn't enough—find the deepest layer to that answer.” Maybe you find it super hot to see your partner enjoying themselves, or maybe it’s a way for you to fully surrender and lose track of time as you’re in complete service to them. There’s no right or wrong answer on how to give oral, but you’ll enjoy yourself more if you pay attention to your own desires too.
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Get into it
Before you even begin, “jumpstart your sexual energy first,” Bashout says. Translation: “Move your hips. Lick your lips. Dance to music. Swallow the idea of pleasure before you even begin to take them on.”
This is important for any sexual experience because it will build up your confidence, which will help your partner relax and receive. “Give them the sense that you are in charge, you trust yourself, and you know what to do,” says Bashout. “This will help them in the delicate situation of surrendering control to you.”
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Ask for what you need
We think of oral sex as happening for the receiver—but as with any sexual activity, it’ll be much better if you communicate what will make it great for you. “Ask yourself what you need to be connected to on a deep emotional level to feel your heart open to them—and sex—even before oral sex takes place or as you’re about to begin,” Bashout says. “Maybe it's more eye contact, laughter, or placing a hand on each other's hearts.”
Then, communicate this to your partner. It’ll be hotter for them to know you’re fulfilling your own desire. And if you want your partner to ejaculate, let them know where.
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Get tantric
What many people love about good oral is that it feels like you’re worshiping your partner’s body. If you want to lean into that element, go full-on tantric and imagine you are taking in your partner’s essence and power through your mouth. For the best blow job, “suck and worship your partner's cock—but also imagine and see their cock as really worshiping your mouth,” says Bashout.
This is where deep throating can come in—within the limits of your gag reflex, of course. “The back of your throat is connected to your pussy, so this can really hit the spot for awakening your erotic juju too,” Bashout explains. “Try sounding and playing with vibrations. Get rocked into abandon. Die to yourself by feeling it all. Surrender yourself at the hot and holy temple. Take the bumpers off with a safe partner. Find the sacred slut or inner porn star and let them come out to play in all their unabashed glory!” This is what will truly take your sex life to a new level.
Suzannah Weiss is a writer, certified sex educator, sex/love coach, and sex expert whose work has been published in The New York Times, The Washington Post, and more. Her book Subjectified: Becoming a Sexual Subject describes her search for sexual empowerment and her vision for a world where no woman is objectified. You can find her on Twitter, on Instagram, or at suzannahweiss.com.
Cristina Coppa is a writer, editor, researcher, and creative consultant.
